i haven´t written anything here in ages, i was diagnosed with Asperger´s recently, i am tired of other people and being called a schizo everywhere every time, the best part is that when i state this i am told i have a "Persecution complex"
let´s play devil´s advocate, and say i am a "schizo" and have a persecution complex, then what? you ostracise and further victim blame me, confirming my delusions further? its retarded and it proves they don´t really mean it its just dismissal, easier to pathologize than engage
regardless, i am tired of playing other people´s games, reading other people´s books and generally have to live in the culture and Noetic map made by other people, i want to make my own shit but every time i try i fail, art types are the worst since they are so self-centered, turn everything into a fad or social cue and then force you to join it, Patreon this, Discord that, im so tired of people, but the only way to express yourself is through other people so we are in this cycle of misery, i fucking hate other people and i am tired on many levels of this Humanity Gig,
anyways, case in point i try to make shit and it fails so i have this gigantic folder full of .odt files that will never get finished because i can´t turn it into anything, i can´t draw it or make concept art, i can´t make music out of it, i can´t code or program a videogame out of it, and even basic shit like Twine or Ren.Py is obnoxious to use beyond unformated text, best i can do is Tabletop stuff that is rather repetitive and dull and not what i want either, maybe turn it into a Novel but i know its going to flop because nobody is going to read Racist-Conspiracy headcanon
so i can´t do anything anymore, can´t create anything anymore (or even in the first place), i have no external life, and now i have no internal life either, the only thing i regret is that all of these niggers keep living on their lives like nothing happens (and then complain when shit happens to them because they can´t trace the paralell between building a society based on Credentialism and Victim Blaming and what is happening to them) while i get to burn up in misery here and all i will get is platitudes and gay nigger advice that does not work at all, Fuck You
